14 things about Adil

Time flewww so fast! It has been 14 months since me and Adil being together. Such a lovely time I've had... hope he feels the same tho :)

The things is, I've been crushing on him until now, unbelievably, in every simple yet precious thing he does. Nobody perfect they do say, but for me..... Adil is. Tomorrow is another common day yet by writing down here reminiscing who Adil is and what just he did in my life, would it be captured nice? So here we go, dil!

1. Fam First Boy
Adil was born as the first kid on his fam. He has one younger sister, a cool mommy, and a classy daddy. He has spent his life in Chicago back then when he was a little boy due of his dad study abroad. He ever told me that when he was back to Jakarta, he had some hardship in order to adapt with his local friends. They act against him sometimes but who cares, he has a great family by the way. Adil's family used to hangout every weekend, once or twice a month with the big one. I always love to be with them... because of foremost reason, this guy just showed me how does it feel to have an intact, a happy family.

2. A Part Time Loner
Adil tends to be alone rather than mingles in crowd. At any point somehow I see him having spaces between himself to the others. He might laugh hard at your jokes but deep inside he just wants to go home. He has only few friends but that's enough, he knows he'll always have me! :p

3. Datsun Geek
Adil loves this car........ more than he loves me I guess! Hahaha but that's okay I love it too. He loves it most when it screams out loud but sometimes it really really freaks me out. He is a brutal driver, fyi. 

4. Bravo Bassist
I think his bass was his first girlfriend ever. He is good at playing it. Psssttt, I fell in love with him just by seeing his pict holding his bass somewhere on the web lolololol. I remember the first time I saw him playing bass was on Portico, I forgot the exact time tho. I can't stand not to bring him flowers. Now, he may give up on his dream to be a success musician due to some reasons but hey I'm the one who's gonna tell him that I was a proud girlfriend and will always ever be :D

5. Bingo! Music Taste
It's just amazing that in over 7 billion people who live in this world, Adil has the same music taste with me. This cool boy, which is my boyfriend, influenced by electro alternative pop and that similar rhyme; a music taste that I've rarely met in someone. When everyone didn't get why I listened to those kind of musics back then, Adil shut them up.

6. Sports Hater (?)
He hates doing sport (sighhhhh). He is as lazy as fckk hahahahaha neither do I. The only sports that can almost catch his attention was swimming. But we never swam together. It was rather a playing water together :(

7. He Drinks Sweet, But Not That Sweet Anymore
Just laugh above but sadly it's true hahahahaha. When I and Adil going to cafe or restaurant or anywhere we eat at, he always orders sweet drinks. From mocktail to sweet tea, from sodas to fruit punch. He used to be a really sweet guy, also. But now he grows up to be a half of me hahaha I always miss the sweetie cutie pie version of you but I miss you everytime tho :)

8. Favorite Food?
I don't know exactly his favorite food HAHAHAHA he loves everything that can be eaten apparently!

9. He Loves Beach Then He Turns Red
Adil has a very sensitive skin. He loves beach to be a travel destination but when we go home, his skin just turned to be red for days ahead. And I know it hurts for him :( but not that hurts as we have gone the long wrong way to reach Ujung Genteng virgin beach hahahahahaha the craziest yet the most fun road trip I have ever done with someone. No, not just someone, it's Adil I have been with :)

10. Morning Person
He always woke up in the morning earlier than me! Hahahahahahha sorry not sorry :p

11. Revenge? Why Not
Hahahahahah really, he's such a spiteful. Over times when I fought with him, he always knows the spot he should hit to make me feel guilty :( no more fighting, promise?

12. Pampy Boy
He is! He loves to be kissed in the forehead and to be pampered anywhere all over his body when he's sick. I couldn't stand to leave him alone when he's sick... I don't know why but when I looked at his eye I just feel I have to embrace this little boy and protect him from any evil power out there :(

13. Overthinker
He does, he really does. Hey baby don't be afraid... If the future is scary that means you have worked on something to make it worth it :)

14. He is the one for me (or at least I believe so).

Happy 14th, Adil Mochtar! :)


One Tuesday in September, 2015

Hi there, just try to make a quick update.

It's been so long since the last time I wrote here; told you everything in my life that has been up to. Well, it turns out... amazing :) I kind of confuse untuk mulai dari mana, what if... oh okay, my after-campus life sounds fit in.

After graduated on September 2014, sebenarnya gue gak punya target tertentu yang harus segera dipenuhi. My bad indeed, karena akhirnya sempat bingung mau ngapain dalam waktu dekat, waktu itu. Apakah mau langsung kerja atau kuliah lagi, dua-duanya sama-sama menarik and you know, challenging so I tried them all hahaha. But the good news is, life turns out unpredictably fun when you just decide what you should decide, I mean it was like... not to chase the opportunity that you're about to have but to make what you already have as the opportunity itself. And that happened to me when I was accepted at one of national growing television, as their journalist. Bener-bener gak pernah kebayang sebelumnya how adventurous yet fun a life of a journalist could be. It's like you have that press-id you'll get all access everywhere lol. I enjoyed it for a moment, oh no, for 9 months to be precise. And that was, really really, the most precious career experience in my life until now.
The perks of being a journalist, was never as easy as everybody thought would be. I mean when it comes to your shift you just have to do that even ketika semua orang berkumpul sama keluarganya saat malam takbiran, or when your long distance relationship sister by blood having her birthday but you can't pick her up as her flight landed home. Yes, my sister got her sophomore this year that I hate to admit too I got way much older than her.
Sooo let's back to my journalist life, after a long time of thinking and listening here and there and everywhere; I decided to submit a resignation letter. Sekali lagi, being a journalist is not easy. Doesn't mean gue cengeng atau gimana but I just can't see myself toward within that tunnel. The schedule, as the foremost reason I quit, just didn't fit in with another stuffs I planned for the future (well I learned from what I didn't do backward: making plan). And it can't go alone. But you didn't choose life, life chooses you.

After that, alhamdulillah I got another job in specifically not a long time; two weeks. This new job offers regular office hour for which I hopelessly seek in the previous one. And alhamdulillah also, I decide to complete His rule as a woman, to be more grateful for the never ending blessing He pours my life with. If anybody asks why I don't know what can answer best. All I know was I only have now so as long as that time still belongs to me I should do what The Creator told me to. And I'm happy, proud, and feel peace :)

And all these great decisions were come up from this man too. The one for at least I believe to be a partner in raising my children with :) hehe. One year feels like a blink of an eye spent with him. Sekarang lagi nabung nih sama Adil buat......... hehehe doain aja ya :) alhamdulillah can't be more grateful enough.

ps: keep me updated! love, your online diary :p 
in the darkest hour of mine
in the heavy rain of desperate and fall
in the hidden cave only myself know

I got my sunshine.
He's not a part of my life. He is my life.

Love is not a fairytale. It does exist, darling. You don't have to rush, don't have to run and hide; you gotta let it flow. Overwhelmed your veins. Beyond your mind and brain. And suddenly life starts to make sense again. 

I love you, Adil Mochtar.


Officially Graduated

It was on Friday, 29 of August 2014. It was all because of and for them.
And whatever lies ahead, I got myself to start the payback time.

Love, your daughter.


Mission's accomplished.

Done having my final thesis defense on June 19th 2014. And this is what it is. 4 years has passed since I got into college. Can't wait to get everything in campus done too. Wish me bunch of luck. And, oh, thank you for the Creator and the creatures. Never been this relieve.

Let's go grab another mission!

Oh, hi.

Been such a long time no having chance to take a look at this supposed to be daily writings. Things change, well, they always do: a lot. What do I feel now? Not barely anything. Go along with friends, and stuffs, and all the hard work in my last college year, what else was I supposed to do?

I got more skeptic to see sort of beautiful things today. After the breakup with my last boyfriend, you know, I'm so over with drama. Like this. You met someone and got the click, you learned to know each other as well, went on dates saying I love you I wanna grow old with you and another similar bullshit thus made you believe everything will stay the same till the end. But then shit happens, like someone came along, just like that, took the happiness you thought it would last (or at least a little bit longer) and there the "I need to talk" goes. The "well, we didn't work out, you know you deserve better," burst out. Cliche. Then what's the point of all?

So once again I came into conclusion: happiness is sort of an unfinished story.

There that unfinished story, I guessed it was going to reach the-almost-done part when at less expected, he came again. Not the one who was breaking up with me but the one who was breaking up with me before. Got an exhausting long ride with this one backward, for once I guessed I'm moving on but what happened actually was: I only got another rebound. And by keep coming back to him I got more credits for another, another rebound. Which I know obviously I have to stop.

And here it is. If only I get the urge to talk to him again, for that I'm sure it wouldn't be necessary to him, I really, really hope, I'm done; we're done. An oldschool stuff never fails me. It won't be aimed to be read, I promise, I just need to write it down to remind if one day, by hearing his voice again, I maybe will turn around and make up my mind. And I don't want that ever to happen. I won't.

Oh, hi. Have you been feeling better?

I hope you're fine there, elsewhere in town, for which I'm sure you may not think about me anymore like I wish I should. I hope you feeling no regrets too, because by knowing you this far, never once I feel regret about you, about us, and about what have been happening between. I didn't take this as white flag words or even another love letter, not anymore, because what lasts will last and what doesn't, won't. And we don't, we won't.
You got me so many chances as I always give them to you but we have never worked out, together. Well, where were you? When I set my eyes on the stage looking for yours, when my Dad got his fragile operation for months, when my thesis was defensed and it passed somehow, where were you when I needed you the most? I was alone, I didn't know what I'm doing. Do you think it was easy for me without you? Do you think that there wasn't a goddamn marathon of every second goes by for me without you? Well, I got no clue.
I won't put the: "I wish I should..." anymore. I had so many times saying goodbye with you but I keep blew them all. You say those harsh words after saying what you feel for me then what did you expect for me to do? That there's the point of every relationship in this world, every good shape of relationship, being there for each other when you're needed. And we're not so into it. And I'm not sorry for that because being your friend for after all this time is not necessary either.
Somebody needs to show you how to grow up. And what I see now, reflecting those years, God doesn't allow me to be that one, never does. So good luck on your thesis. Take care of your Mom, tell her I'm sorry, don't worry I would tell her by myself anyway because you even never got my regards to her, and treat what's yours better than you did.
I hope you'll understand someday before you'll be the one who really walks away.

I verily miss the feeling of being in love tho. Is that always this awful?


akan ada masanya ketika Dia menutup pintu yang satu,
kita akan segera tahu pintu mana yang tengah dibuka.


N: Sab, exhausted.
Sab: What's the matter?
N: Why do good things come to an end, ya?
Sab: So better things can come to begin.


How many times do people have to suffer heartbreak in a lifetime?

Been awhile not opening this page until it greets me back with memories. Well, the thing is... I've been broken up again. My last relationship that once I thought would last longer than before, didn't work out the way I wish it could be. For several times in my life, I have to suffer heartbreak again.

But inevitably, I don't know how to feel again right now. How to survive things without mental breakdown caused by the heartbreak, I don't have any idea. I'm so much scared. Getting closer to someone just give you pain in the end. What if they stay? Hey, what if they LEAVE? You'll end up miserable. Alone. You'll wake up nearly every night in a week, it would be 3 or 4, and you can feel a great big hole upon your chest realizing someone has taken something from you which is impossibly to return.

How could you believe then? Because I learned by the time that a happy ending is sort of an unfinished story. Tho I hope immediately somehow, someday, somebody will come and tell me that whole story.

I just can't fucking wait for that day to come.


A New Chapter

It was riot over there. An emotionally-drained previous relationship. Some hectic internship and thesis days. A couple lonesome cups of coffee and no one to hold but faith in God.

There he just came along.

I'm VERY MUCH grateful, I hope, He placed this right man on the right time.