It was few days ago, when I quoted what my senior said in her personal micro-blogging that, "If I could turn back my time, I would make sure that I chose natural science path, and crossed this major from my option," and couldn't agree more I kinda thought I felt the way she did.
This is my second year, and I'm still having no idea; what, why, how come, and something else like that which quiet makes me wonder could it's possible if life ever be sane again? As I indirectly wrote in my previous post, I'm a lot likely, closer about to give up. And you know what's freaking bad? It's now too late this almost reaches halfway.
I remember how did I get here anyway, still, its every little thing was within all of my conscience to take. I remember how I've calculated all the risks I was about to get, but long after then I've just realized I've already been bad at math. And now if those are reversing against me, there's no other responsibility that counts but myself as the only one to blame. I maybe am exaggerated but I tell you what, it really, really sucks to be me right now.
I've gone too far to remain why I've been messed up here. The subjects, I can't bear to spell. There's too much to remind whereas I hate those theoretical since social science was never been my favorite two-years-long-class at school. The people, I can't stand to blend. There's too many to accept whereas I've never been through this phase that hard, and how complicated the rules they made that I can't tend to break. And when it links to the feeling, in a blink I've been blind.
It's funny how I've found that I could even do everything, once again everything, just based on pity. Then when it comes to be based at, what I'm gonna say, more than that, like seriously that person would be very lucky. I've got many friends on my own, I've got many people whom I love. You might ask them the way I treat them, few of them, as I respect them as much as what they've been giving me or even more. That's why when I care about them, it could be the same as I do to myself. I don't want anything bad happens to them simply because I would be hurt if they are hurt. And I know that even they don't know, it can simply make me the saddest person in the world to see how miserable they are, at the moment, yet I can't do anything about it. Ironic, uh-huh.
And now I'm trapped in the middle of that same problem, over again. And how today I've heard something that slaps me right in the face that reminds I should have stopped caring a while ago. As if what I've been doing was over mistaken, I can't take any step towards them anymore. And I can't do such that things, so I let myself bleeding inside because the only thing they need to know is everything will be going just fine.
Just like few days ago...
X: (stare, deeply sigh)
Y: What? Chill out, things are going to be done.
X: You sure? I'm not.
Y: So you don't believe in me no more?
X: Nope, the only thing I believe is now I'm in trouble.
Y: I've never missed what I should be done, you know exactly.
X: Really? It's been just yesterday, you were not, dude...
Y: At least it's finished!
X: Hey, not at all... (pathetically laughing)
Y: I've never put you in trouble!
X: But you put yourself in there, right?
Y: It's my business anyway why the fuck you're getting involved?!
X: (go on before any tears drop by)
This is my second year, and I'm still having no idea; what, why, how come, and something else like that which quiet makes me wonder could it's possible if life ever be sane again? As I indirectly wrote in my previous post, I'm a lot likely, closer about to give up. And you know what's freaking bad? It's now too late this almost reaches halfway.
I remember how did I get here anyway, still, its every little thing was within all of my conscience to take. I remember how I've calculated all the risks I was about to get, but long after then I've just realized I've already been bad at math. And now if those are reversing against me, there's no other responsibility that counts but myself as the only one to blame. I maybe am exaggerated but I tell you what, it really, really sucks to be me right now.
I've gone too far to remain why I've been messed up here. The subjects, I can't bear to spell. There's too much to remind whereas I hate those theoretical since social science was never been my favorite two-years-long-class at school. The people, I can't stand to blend. There's too many to accept whereas I've never been through this phase that hard, and how complicated the rules they made that I can't tend to break. And when it links to the feeling, in a blink I've been blind.
It's funny how I've found that I could even do everything, once again everything, just based on pity. Then when it comes to be based at, what I'm gonna say, more than that, like seriously that person would be very lucky. I've got many friends on my own, I've got many people whom I love. You might ask them the way I treat them, few of them, as I respect them as much as what they've been giving me or even more. That's why when I care about them, it could be the same as I do to myself. I don't want anything bad happens to them simply because I would be hurt if they are hurt. And I know that even they don't know, it can simply make me the saddest person in the world to see how miserable they are, at the moment, yet I can't do anything about it. Ironic, uh-huh.
And now I'm trapped in the middle of that same problem, over again. And how today I've heard something that slaps me right in the face that reminds I should have stopped caring a while ago. As if what I've been doing was over mistaken, I can't take any step towards them anymore. And I can't do such that things, so I let myself bleeding inside because the only thing they need to know is everything will be going just fine.
Just like few days ago...
X: (stare, deeply sigh)
Y: What? Chill out, things are going to be done.
X: You sure? I'm not.
Y: So you don't believe in me no more?
X: Nope, the only thing I believe is now I'm in trouble.
Y: I've never missed what I should be done, you know exactly.
X: Really? It's been just yesterday, you were not, dude...
Y: At least it's finished!
X: Hey, not at all... (pathetically laughing)
Y: I've never put you in trouble!
X: But you put yourself in there, right?
Y: It's my business anyway why the fuck you're getting involved?!
X: (go on before any tears drop by)
GODDAMN THIS TOO MUCH FUCKING DRAMA WOULD SOMEBODY GET ME OUT FROM HERE?
