What I have been doing?
I haven't made a deal with life nowadays. This is the new life I'm talking about. Or is it just me? Oh motherf I can't believe I'm crying right now. Quite hard.
I miss all the times I used to be. It's like now I have been living in somebody else's life. I throw up here, I throw up there. I hate being dramatic right here but yes, I messed my own life up. I stop doing my real things, and now I'm lost into something I should have not really asked for. Is it me being ungrateful? I lost all the hopes, for it's the only way to set myself on fire.
I have to pick this one; stay or move. Oh well, both are not choices, I guess. I should have chosen from the very first time, so long before. Subhanallah, what's with me? Is it just because I'm not kinda enjoying these past few times? Fuck myself off.
And then, what the worst part is? It's called people. I'm such an alien among the people around me. It's pretty terrible because I'm a lot like begging them for accompanying me, in case, to feel what I have been feeling too. By forcing them, it's me versus fact. They are right, I'm in reverse. It's not that I'm afraid of being left alone, I have experienced it within some nightmares before. The thing is; I'm hurt. I hurt myself into this fucking condition. Nope, I mean it's vice versa. It's maybe good for some people, and reversing for some others. Got it?
I'm sick people, I'm sick.
I turn to one point something, while the normal one is one. I'm not mastered at anything. I leave the dance floor, I turn off the cameras, I hang up the guitar, I'm out of the pool and circuit racing, as I blow off the writings. And though, I'm neither a professional feeling-stalker to find this and check that out, to figure out what I really want to do. And what's now? It is quite terribly, having life you don't want to live. HAH.
So, this is my routine nowadays. At some level in campus, I took my bag up and walked leaving the class. Repeat. I'm out from the doorway, please let me be alone.
Please.
I haven't made a deal with life nowadays. This is the new life I'm talking about. Or is it just me? Oh motherf I can't believe I'm crying right now. Quite hard.
I miss all the times I used to be. It's like now I have been living in somebody else's life. I throw up here, I throw up there. I hate being dramatic right here but yes, I messed my own life up. I stop doing my real things, and now I'm lost into something I should have not really asked for. Is it me being ungrateful? I lost all the hopes, for it's the only way to set myself on fire.
I have to pick this one; stay or move. Oh well, both are not choices, I guess. I should have chosen from the very first time, so long before. Subhanallah, what's with me? Is it just because I'm not kinda enjoying these past few times? Fuck myself off.
And then, what the worst part is? It's called people. I'm such an alien among the people around me. It's pretty terrible because I'm a lot like begging them for accompanying me, in case, to feel what I have been feeling too. By forcing them, it's me versus fact. They are right, I'm in reverse. It's not that I'm afraid of being left alone, I have experienced it within some nightmares before. The thing is; I'm hurt. I hurt myself into this fucking condition. Nope, I mean it's vice versa. It's maybe good for some people, and reversing for some others. Got it?
I'm sick people, I'm sick.
I turn to one point something, while the normal one is one. I'm not mastered at anything. I leave the dance floor, I turn off the cameras, I hang up the guitar, I'm out of the pool and circuit racing, as I blow off the writings. And though, I'm neither a professional feeling-stalker to find this and check that out, to figure out what I really want to do. And what's now? It is quite terribly, having life you don't want to live. HAH.
So, this is my routine nowadays. At some level in campus, I took my bag up and walked leaving the class. Repeat. I'm out from the doorway, please let me be alone.
Please.
