I currently listen to this song from Mocca, couldn't stop playing it on repeat with some scenes running over my mind. I make this post not to catch your attention or blame anyone, just to remember how a great life I was living in, and make myself sure that I can have much greater life now, with or without that. I've passed some kinda accidents before which made me thinking that it was the end of my world, the end of my everything. I came to realize that it wasn't anyone fault but was all my fault whom myself the only to blame. I never felt like this before, where I could say "I've got everything in my hand!", and moment after I messed it up by tearing into pieces like few papers fly over my head. And, clap! It's gone with the wind. I told myself to stop, in some words such like I live now for future not walk back on the past but what my heart said are overloading in reverse. It's just too late to fight, it already ends tonight. After that time, I'm really begging through out of control and hoping that someday I'll wake up from this nightmare. I couldn't see another escape but that thing for sure. I drove from place to place, another world for no one but me without knowing when will I get back to the truth. Just another blind in my eyes I couldn't see what have I done that time so long. They say it was just oh-what-the-hell-am-I-doing even who didn't know me could say like that. I don't really care what are people saying behind because the only thing I do is waiting for my past that wouldn't ever be back. I lied myself. I covered my face with a mask of fake. How terrible it was being a broken hearted girl. People were trying to cheer me up and helped me to walk out but I was keeping my ear closed so whom the normal ones left me either. It seemed that I would like to do anything to make all the things stay the same as yesterday. All I can do is nothing. Shed up my tears dropped one another with no one to wipe. I'm so fed up with coke. God, please rewind it or I'd rather die now. Sounds pathetic, eh? Hahaha stupid me I don't wanna back at that time again. One thing always repeated in my head was; what are you supposed to do to ruin your own life, hah? And dumb me, I thought that the only escape of this is getting back the past in my hand. Holding time back. I was letting myself down overwhelmed with tears night by night. Until someday reality hit and it opened up my eyes so wide. Why don't you feel happy if the one who made you happy is happy? I saw many smiles like before in other world and it gave me reason not to cry no more. I tried to make sure myself that this is not the end of my world; this only it begins. They say that true love will never end like Bonaparte to Josephine or Romeo and Juliet but by being hurt is not true love. Love is beautiful; the best part in every human life is to love and be loved. If you're forcing the one who you love to love you back in return; it means no love, but lust. One more great lesson to learn :)
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